The Perfectionism Trap: How to Break Free and Thrive

“If I waited for perfection… I would never write a word.” Margaret Atwood

Have you ever held back from trying something new because you feared you wouldn’t be good enough? 

This article is for perfectionists—for those individuals who feel that nothing is worth doing if they aren’t doing it perfectly. Teenagers today are so persistent in trying to be the best in every aspect of their lives.

Why sing if my voice always cracks?
Why dance if I don’t know any moves?
Why audition if I know that there are people who are so much better than me?

While this constant drive for perfection can at times be beneficial, it can also be extremely draining and a form of neglecting one's self-worth. Trapped by their fear of failure, perfectionists create unrealistically high standards for themselves just to be viewed as someone without faults. 

What causes perfectionism?  

Society today often promotes the notion that one must achieve perfection before showcasing their abilities to others. The persistent exposure to putting on a flawless mask can stimulate feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and lack of self-respect. Reels on TikTok and Instagram may be perceived as effortless beauty and abundance of talent but fail to show the 100th take on singing a part of the song, 5 years of dance experience, and mentors that are hidden from the viewer's eye leading us to believe if not perfect why bother trying?

However, perfectionism can also arise from high parental expectations. The constant pressure to be the best can make children feel as though their validation and love can only be accomplished through their achievements. This unhealthy parenting style can lead to fear of failure and constant strive to be the best. 

While these causes may be the most influential, there are a variety of other causes such as past rejection, criticism, and psychological factors that can also cause someone to develop a perfectionist lifestyle. 

The Difference Between Healthy Striving and Perfectionism

Healthy Striving seeks to be better than they are at the moment. They set high standards for themselves and hold themselves with discipline but keep these goals achievable. When faced with rejection, they strive to embrace challenges and struggles in hopes of improving themselves a little at a time. They look at mistakes as opportunities to grow and take constructive criticism with grace and understanding. 

Perfectionists, on the other hand, seek to become the best and are constantly motivated by achievements. They oftentimes set extremely high standards, and are unenergized by their goals because they carry the consistent weight of their expectations on their shoulders. When these goals are not met they feel bad about themselves and their overbearing fear of failure heightens day after day. Their ultimate goal is to perfect their lives no matter the journey. The constant charade of flawless perfection that is put up by these individuals becomes exhausting and demotivating because the goal that they strive to achieve can never be attained. In fact no one can achieve perfection. It is not an attainable goal. 

How to Break the Cycle

Breaking free from the perfectionism cycle is not something that you can achieve in a day, it takes time and effort, but once free it can be extremely rewarding. Here are some steps you can take to slowly overcome this mindset: 

Practice self-compassion - Showing yourself love and giving yourself grace is something that perfectionists have taken away from themselves. By reminding yourself that it is completely okay if we make mistakes along the way you can slowly show yourself that it is not necessary to excel at everything. 

Challenge Unrealistic Standards - Ask yourself, “Would a family member or friend expect this much from me?” If not, why are you expecting it from yourself? Perfectionists often are oblivious to the fact that they are creating these unrealistic standards, so for each goal you make, check to see if it is reasonable and reachable. 

Monitor your self-talk - Keep in mind that being perfect isn’t the ultimate goal. By shifting your mindset from “I have to do everything right” to “I am glad I put in some effort today” you can increase your motivation and get closer to overcoming this lifestyle.

Celebrate the journey - It doesn’t have to be a burden if you don’t make it. Celebrate not only your achievements but also the journey and the path you took to get there. This can shift your mindset to having a more positive outlook on life. 

Conclusion 

The truth is everyone has faults no matter how much they can hide them. We may not be the best at everything we try and that’s completely okay! Practice does not make perfect, it makes progress so no matter how hard you work perfection is unachievable. So if you are reading this article right now, take this as your daily reminder to do the things you enjoy but are scared to try not because you want to become the best at it, but because you enjoy doing it.